


i wanna see you be brave

by bananaquit



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, anderperry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 01:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananaquit/pseuds/bananaquit
Summary: Todd’s voice was unlike the one Neil was used to hearing coming from his friend. The one he normally heard was quiet, hesitant, anxious, soft. This voice commanded the attention of everyone in the room. God, it was incredible.





	i wanna see you be brave

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song "brave" by sara bareilles

“Y-y-y-you ki-, you push it, stretch it, it’ll never be enough.” Todd’s voice was unlike the one Neil was used to hearing coming from his friend. The one he normally heard was quiet, hesitant, anxious, soft. This voice commanded the attention of everyone in the room. God, it was incredible.

“You kick at it, beat it, it’ll never cover any of us.” He crescendoed to a fever pitch, nearly shouting, every word laced with passion and emotion. Neil watched every movement of his lips and brows, every frenzied shake of his head and jerk of his body. Neil was getting lost in watching Todd get lost in himself, in the poetry. Todd seemed like an animal that had been caged all its life getting its first taste of freedom. He could feel the fear, the desperation, the excitement in every line and syllable erupting from his roommate. Everything but the boy before him melted away as Neil sat transfixed, hanging on every word.

“From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying, it’ll just cover you face as you wail and cry and scream.” Todd finished, his breath coming in shallow gasps and his shoulders heaving as he stood there at the front of the classroom. The sunshine falling through the window lit every gentle curve of his face and glinted off his blue eyes when he opened them, glossing his slightly parted lips with a light sheen and turning his hair to gold. The sight captivated him, left him unable to look away. It was only then Neil realized he had forgotten to breathe.

Todd was starting to go back to being shell-shocked, his default deer-in-headlights look beginning to return as he stared at Keating. Neil began clapping loudly. He wanted so badly to see Todd’s face full of life for one more second. Soon enough, the room was filled with the sound of whistling and applause. Todd’s clear blue gaze rose to meet his and Neil’s heart skipped a beat. Neil smiled at him, trying to silently convey his encouragement.

Todd smiled back. He really, genuinely smiled. It wasn’t like the forced flash of teeth that Neil was so used to giving people in an attempt to convince the world (and maybe even himself) that he was happy. This was a real smile, one that lit up his eyes and sent Neil’s pulse racing. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Suddenly, all Neil wanted was to race up to him and wrap his arms around him and tell him how wonderful and fantastic and brilliant and spectacular and astonishing he was, to let him know he was beyond incredible, beyond description, beyond poetry. He wanted more than anything to be close to him, to put his hands on his face and run his fingers through his hair and rest their foreheads together and breathe his breaths and press his lips to his and-

That was the moment Neil knew he was in love with Todd Anderson.

His eyes widened as he felt his cheeks heating up. He dropped his gaze to the ground as Todd took his seat, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. He took a deep breath and tried to focus, but despite his best efforts, he found himself staring absently at Todd for the rest of the class.

After the bell rang, he approached his friend. As Todd started to file out of the classroom behind the other students, Neil called his name. Todd turned. “Todd, that was… amazing.” he breathed, smiling. “I knew you could do it.” Neil became aware of how close they were, how easy it would be to just take his hand, lace their fingers together, run his thumbs over his knuckles.

 _Carpe diem_ , he thought, his veins thrumming with energy as he impulsively reached out, only half-aware of what he was doing. Before he could take it back, his hand had found Todd’s, their palms sliding neatly together as if that was where they were always meant to be. The warmth and weight of Todd’s hand against his felt natural and right.

He looked up, eyes widening as he looked at Todd, who was still smiling. Thinking fast, he shook the hand that was clasped in his, hoping the contact would pass for a congratulatory handshake. “Great job.” he spoke hurriedly, stubbornly refusing to let any of his inner panic carry over into his tone. “I’ll see you this afternoon.” he said before quickly walking away. His hands felt cold for the rest of the day.

"Thanks, Neil." Todd replied, voice soft and warm to match his gaze. "I'll see you." he trailed off as Neil walked away. The spot Neil had touched tingled with leftover heat, a strange but pleasant sensation he couldn't find a name for. The smile lingered on his face for hours afterward.


End file.
